The Fastest Stan in the West

What’s the fastest you’ve ever stanned a group? Up until a few months ago, my fastest stan time was one day, and the group I clocked that record with was B.A.P. Some groups have come close to that record, but still took more than a day, closer to a week more likely. Most groups take me about a week to learn, and a handful take me a couple weeks. At the far opposite end, there’s one group that took me an abysmally long time to stan. An embarrassing amount of time.

I’ll admit to this in the hope I’m not the only one. Ok, here goes… It took me *at least* seventeen months to stan Seventeen. There, I said it. I’ve always loved their music and their personalities, almost from the very beginning of my K-pop life. Seventeen’s songs were among the first handful of non-BTS songs I downloaded, and I’ve loved all of their MVs and catalog so much. But as much as I always wanted to stan them, I simply couldn’t pass the test. For. Ever. And then finally I did!! After a year and a half. It was not without great effort.

Truth be told, the time between my first knowledge of B.A.P and my eventual stanning of them wasn’t technically overnight. My husband was the first B.A.P fan in our family, and I initially resisted giving them a chance because my husband and I generally don’t share taste in music. For many weeks he’d mention that I should check them out, how they were “his kind of K-pop” (therein lies the problem – sorry honey!) He finally seized the opportunity of a long family car ride to indoctrinate us with his B.A.P playlist. I only got one minute into the song “One Shot” before pausing it and announcing, “Hold up, hold up, hold up. WHO is this singing this pre-chorus? Whoever THIS is, he’s my bias!” That was it. I’d been touched by the ipdeok fairy.

Daehyun sings the iconic pre-chorus in B.A.P’s “One Shot” (aka the moment I knew to stan)

I remember the “I Need To Stan” light in my head was blinking frenetically. I searched up the Genius lyric page on my phone… “It’s called One Shot, right?? OK, ok… DH sings that part, DH…” I opened Kprofiles on another phone tab… this is stan life, am I right people, I mean, you all know the drill… “Here we go, DH… that’s Daehyun, Daehyun everybody, DAEHYUN is my bias.” From there I read the names and profiles of all the members to everyone in the car, and we worked the rest of the drive on putting names to voices on all the songs in my husband’s B.A.P playlist. I got home from that trip and beelined for the TV to get my B.A.P on! One day later I was a new born BABY. It honestly felt effortless to stan them, visually AND vocally, they just had something special about them. When something feels that effortless, it seems meant to be, almost like I already stanned B.A.P in an alternate universe or something. It was the fastest I had ever stanned a group. Was the fastest.

We watch K-pop in our house on the daily, and it’s almost always the same rundown: first we watch the new MVs (if there are any), next we watch teasers (if there are any), and lastly we scroll through Recently Addeds, Recommendeds and Subscriptions. In January 2020, the teasers for the debut of DKB intrigued us, and when the MV for “Sorry Mama” dropped, we liked it, but we weren’t completely hooked right away. It wasn’t until a few weeks later when DKB’s Fact In Star dance cover clip turned up in our Recently Addeds that we really gave them our attention. And by that I mean, fell head over heels in love with them. We decided about two minutes into the dance clip that we needed to stan, they absolutely charmed us.

We went straight from the dance clip to the full Fact In Star episode, knowing we’d learn their names and a little bit more about them from that. Not 20 minutes into the episode, I paused it and realized something unprecedented had happened. I’d already memorized all nine of them, in just that short time. Effortlessly! This. Never. Happens. Not with nine member teams. Not with FOUR member teams! My daughter quizzed me just to make sure, and sure enough, without looking at nametags, I was able to ID every member each time they appeared on the screen, again and again, without hesitation. She couldn’t believe it, and I seriously was taken aback. It was almost creepy, it was like I’d known their names and faces for years after only 20 minutes.

If you don’t stan DKB after this episode, you might not have a heartbeat. Or a brain.

SO what was it about DKB that allowed me to stan in 20 minutes? I’ve given this a lot of thought and discussed it with my family (that’s how we roll), and I’ve come up with a Theory of Stannage Speed (hereon referred to as TSS) containing four essential criteria:

  1. Each member is very visually different from the other members
  2. Each member has a distinctive personality role unique from other members
  3. Each member gets an equal amount of screen time in content
  4. Each member has an easily memorizable name

DKB undeniably met all four criteria, so stanning them was an absolute cinch. TSS success!

Now looking back to my Seventeen shame in light of these criteria, I see it wasn’t all my fault that stanning was so difficult. Each member is visually beautiful, but not necessarily very visually different from every other member. They all have lovely personalities, but they have more than one “jokester,” more than one “quiet guy,” etc. And while they do all have easily memorizable names, they definitely do not get equal amounts of screen time on all contents. Watching Seventeen on variety shows is essentially watching the BooSeokSoon show a lot of the time, with other members getting screen time here and there in between. Blame the variety editors, not Seventeen!

So what’s the fastest you’ve ever stanned a group? Do you think the criteria apply? My current record stands at 20 minutes, and for a NINE member group at that. I’m pretty darn proud of my DKB stan time! I’m also pretty darn enchanted with DKB. I’m no longer surprised I stanned them so quickly, but I doubt I’ll ever stan another group any faster than that. It would take quite a group! DKB have shot up my very long list of faves these past 3 months, moving into my much shorter list of ults, and with just one release under their belts. Their first comeback is very soon, and I couldn’t be more excited! The teaser looks awesome, the highlight reel sounds amazing, and if you’re looking to stan a new group this week, they’re my top recommendation. If you do decide to stan, please let me know how quickly you were able to do it – I’m excited to test my theory!

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2 comments

  1. Lol! I read this out loud to Toto and we laughed and laughed! Ok…we will watch this stuff and stan! I doubt I’ll get them down in 20 min though. Ha! Toto says her fastest was KNK and she had them down after the unhelpful guide (12 min 14 sec!) was over. My fastest was probably MCND. After an hour or two of watching content. My longest was Got7 who i can finally say I stan after 4 years! And I finally can name them all! I stan EXO, but…i still get them all mixed up! I think your theroy is spot on though. Yep. I’m excited to test it on DKB!

    1. Oooh, Toto’s KNK time is amazing!! I cram-stanned KNK an hour before their concert last year, which isn’t an effective method for long term remembrance – I still forget Jihun sometimes 🙁 I know you stanned MCND quickly, and I seriously need to make them a top priority, especially if they hold to the theory, it shouldn’t be too hard for me to stan.

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